Authored by Justin Yuen on Feb 18th 2011, 01:30
I thought I was in the clear, but just as I turned the corner, I was ambushed by the most dreadful of realizations: I had lost one of my most trusted companions - one that had seen me through horrible times, always by my side. But most often, on my head. My green fleece hat had gone missing!
Okay, that's not really what thickened the plot, but I must admit that for a time, I was very distraught by the loss of my fuzzy friend. Luckily, later that evening, one of the MSKCC workers found my hat near the elevators, and stored it in a nice protective biohazard bag for me to pick up upon my next visit. The real plot thickening followed a lengthy day of doctor's appointments in preparation for my bone marrow transplant. Everything was ready. I had passed the echocardiographic stress and pulmonary function tests, and my blood counts were good. A treatment plan was in place, consisting of chemotherapy, radiation treatment, and double cord blood units (extracted from a baby's umbilical cord). It was decided to use cord blood rather than the found 9 of 10 HLA match, as this donor was willing to donate via peripheral blood only. I don't blame him, given the medical field's unfortunate assignment of the term "bone marrow harvest" to its alternative method, which evokes imagery of a dark, hooded fellow wielding a scythe (from what I understand, the bone marrow harvest procedure is a relatively mild affair). This term is rivaled only by the name of the procedure I underwent today: the "lumbar puncture", more endearingly referred to as the "spinal tap". Despite the harshness of the medical nomenclature, the procedure was completely painless. What was most unpleasant about it was the information it yielded. The end of the day was approaching. Having finished signing three copies of the bone marrow transplant consent form, I was - along with those working in the clinic - ready to head home. But just as the day seemed over, the nurse told me to stand by for an unscheduled visit with my doctor, whose first words upon entering the consultation room were "We have a problem." Unfortunately, abnormal cells were found in my spinal fluid. This condition is prohibitive of a bone marrow transplant, and raises the danger that my cancer has affected my central nervous system. Early tomorrow morning, I will visit to the hospital again for an MRI of my brain and spine, which will be accompanied by tests of my blood and spinal fluid to determine just what type of cancer has pried its way into my backbone. A funny thing I noticed today is that I was truly more shocked and disturbed by the loss of my hat than the news threatening the loss of my life. While I had become very familiar with the threat of losing my life, I had not yet pondered that of losing my hat. Apparently, learning not to take life and people for granted has not trickled its way down to the smaller things in life. I suppose there is still more for me to learn from this experience; perhaps this is the reason it has been prolonged.
hey Justin, hang in there.
Dearest Just-Just,I'm glad they found your trusted companion. Although I'm sad to hear that they can't perform the bone marrow transplant at this moment, I have faith in Him who would lead your way and heal you with His magical touch. Just-Just, please stay strong and hang in there. We'll be praying for you, praying for Him for guidance and strength, and supporting you from the other side of the earth :) Be positive!!!When trials come, we should have courage and trust and faith that God will always loves us. Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.â€
Dear Justin, I am so sorry. That is really bum news. Feels like a blow below the belt although I know that somehow you and your mum will find the strength to pick yourselves up and fight on. Remember the Tom Hanks film "Castaway" in which ,for years, his constant companion was a coconut with a face painted on in his own blood? And how, when the coconut almost drifted away at sea, he risked his life to save it? Seems like, as humans, we all need something tangible and comforting to hang on to. Yet when there is nothing humanly tangible to cling on to, we must hold on to the knowledge of the love of God. Meanwhile, I'm glad Mr Fuzzy Hat was found! Much love, Ellen
I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more. —Psalm 71:14The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.†Hang in there cousin! Praying for you!
Dear Justin-Ellen is quite right. We feel more assured when we have something tangible to hold on to. But partly because mental images require greater strength. We know that you and your mother and all those who love and care for you (including the medical team) will continue to find that strength. Lots of love, U Selwyn and A Ellie
Dear Justin, just read your Thursday's posting and am so sorry that you have to take another blow. I am praying hard that on Friday all test results will turn thesituation around! Many a time I had similar feelings like yours and I often wonder why? One of my thinkings is I am not the sole owner of my life, I always need Jesus' help.Please hold on to your faith.Love and prayers from Auntie Fei
Dear Justin- How marvellous of you to have added your skilful and pertinent illustrations to your blogs. Your mind is obviously in charge of your weakened body. God bless and look after you. Love, A Ellie
A few strokes that say a lot!Appreciate your illustration very much! :-)Love auntie fei
nice illustrations!
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Re: Ted Cash-icle
Hang in there, Justin. "Be joyful in hope, patience in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans, 12.12. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12.9. Please hold on to your faith as our life is in the mighty hands of God. We all love you so much and pray that God will be merciful and keep you in His wondrous care. May God bless you and keep you.Gu Ma Betty
Hang in there Justin, I have unwavering faith in you...
Hey Justin,Keep your chin up! I'm really liking your illustrations, they're really creative.Reading your blog, I always appreciate, and am inspired in different ways by your insight into lessons your learning and all the little/big things you're noticing. Just wanted to say hi and let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers everyday.I'm glad you found your fuzzy green friend! :)
So sorry to see the ripper was trying to get your green toque... I can see you put a lot of thoughts into creating this art work. I echo the others, keep your chin up Justin. Your next vector I would expect seeing you putting your foot on ripper, with green toque on your own head :-)
Hey Justin,It took me a bit to get over the shock of this news enough to realize that this post is very well written. The flow and your thought processes are all so artistically put together. Keep it up, I hope your posts are as fulfilling to you to write as they are for me to read.
Hi Justin,Just writing to say that I'm still thinking of you all the time and sending you strength from Richmond. Every day I send positive thoughts your way. I love the new blog design!
If you end up needing a new green hat, this guy could point you in the right direction...http://www.superiorpics.com/wenn_album/Bishop_Don_Magic_Juan_-_Sneakers_Deal/bishop_don_magic_juan_001_112007.jpg
Dear Friends and fellow Justin Blog followers,Please renew the fervency and urgency of your prayers. The latest news from Justin's mom is that the situation is grave. We need to believe for a miracle. Those of us who are able to get to New York should probably plan to do so within the next few days.Ellen
Thinking and praying of you and your family and loved ones, Justin.
Justin,Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Keep fighting!!!! We're all with you and our loves are all around you. With all out love,Grand-uncles and aunts Mike and Kitty, Shirley, Roman and Rennie, Frank and AnnetteCousins Lilian, Laura, Winnie, Wendy and Wyndm
Hi Justin, Just reading all these procedures and treatment plus all the adding operations etc. is hard for outsiders.I could not put to words how proud of you I am. Hang in there, pray to our Lord, I hope God will give you the extra courage and strength. Keep up your sense of humour too. I’ll be praying for your safe procedures. God bless. Rennie.
Dearest JustinWe love you and miss you loads. Trust that you are now in heaven, in God's loving arms. We know that you will no longer suffer and have eternal peace. We will take good care of your dad.You will always be my favorite cousin! Love you alwaysV
Dearest Justin,May you rest in peace in your eternal home free from pain and suffering which you so bravely carried in the past six months. Now you are in God's loving arms. Justin, we always love you and miss you loads. We know one day we will meet again in heaven. We still have unending music to play together. We will always remember the wonderful time we spent together
You're greatly missed.... Thank you for sharing so much with us.
You are so brave Justin. I feel proud to be your friend. You will be remembered.