Authored by Justin Yuen on Sep 11th 2010, 21:27
For the past weeks, I've been hooked up to a controlled Fentanyl dispensing machine http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fentanyl (a very potent pain killer). The machine dispenses a controlled amount of the substance, and was given to me to manage the pain of having a drainage tube poking into my chest cavity. A bit of background: Before I was rushed to the ICU, I had a sharp pain in my ribs. I don't know exactly what happened, but from the details I'm able to remember, it had something to do with part of my chest cavity filling with blood and my lung collapsing.
One question I've been asked repeatedly here is "On a scale from 1 to 10, how much pain do you feel"? This is a very difficult question to answer. There are so many different kinds of pain. While the lung collapse episode was one of the most painful experiences I've been through, does that mean it's a 10? I doubt it. Probably an 8 or 9. In any case, last night I experienced a solid 8.5. And it had nothing to do with my current medical condition. I'll spare you the details here, but the gist of it is that due to the position I need to sleep in (I can't fully recline because of the pressure in my chest, a certain piece of my male anatomy got crushed under my leg while I shifted in my sleep. Thank goodness for that Fentanyl dispenser!
The physical pain is very tangible and solid. it comes and it will goes quickly. But emotional pain is very lasting, it stays and lingers. Your every moment now is treasurable. Don't spend too much time on thinking about pain. Your time worthy something else. Wish your quick recovery! Live well every day. Every day counts!
Dear Justin,Now I am listening to Clair de lune, a song that you said represent of me. If life is a song, I think your song now is gaining lot of elements because what you had experienced in this month. Although you are now in US and I am in Hong Kong, I feel that we are still so close. Only thing I wish you would be here because my first solo fashion show will be hold in Shanghai on the 20th Sept. Even may be you cannot attend this time, I will reserve a seat for you for my show and all the shows in the future. In case the next show you like to come over or you like to play violin in the show. Yes, you still owe me a live performance of violin. I am very looking forward to it. You need to be strong and get recover ok?After this show in Sept, there is another trade-show I need to join on the mid-Oct. After that I will be able to make a trip to US to visit you and will bring you any stuffs you want from Hong Kong..........But honestly I can't wait until Oct. Is that any way can get in touch with you? Such as your mobile in US or your address? I guess may be you cannot talk in mobile, but I just wanna talk to you.......Justin, be strong. Take care and I will see you soon.Love from Hong Kong
Sorry to hear about your pain attack... praying for you from half way across the world but our love and support is always with you. Love you loads!!! Stay strong! We are all fighting with you!
Hey, I spent a night at ER over the weekend for having severe dizziness and nausea. On the way to ER in the ambulance and all through the night between passing out and feeling like trapped in a giant washing machine, I couldn't stop thinking about you.Turned out my otoliths escaped and got lost..haha,, my pain on a scale of 1 to 10? may be 0.1 compare to yours.I know you are a very lucky+strong wimp,good to hear from you : )JoEy
Justin,Not sure if you remember my mom and your grand-aunt Shirley.... I am visiting her today and she is going to write to you.....Dear Justin,I am your grand-aunt Shirley (Ronald's aunt). How are you doing? Laura, my daughter has been updating me on your progress as soon as she gets them and I am so pleased to hear that you are gaining your strength back and may God continues to bless you and to take care of you through this journey. I shall continue to pray for you and your family.Grand-aunt Shirley
Thinking and dreaming about you all the time... :) <3
Justin, It's Laura again..... the following is from your grand-aunt Rennie (#7), Since I don't know how to blog or twitter, can you tell Justin that he is in my thoughts and prayer. Also thanks for the update. Continue the healing please Justin, may god give you strength. Rennie.
Hi Justin,I am so relieved to see your posts continued here. Since I heard the news, I have been thinking of you all the time. And through all of this thinking and hoping for you, and through starting art school again, I've remembered how formative our experiences in high school and college were, and how much I appreciate your outlook and rigor. You are so strong and I know you can make it through. Laura
Glad to see you back on here! You are in my thoughts - stay strong!